It’s 9:50 in the night
the city is living in quarantine
and I had to google for the correct spelling
I’m out on terrace
it’s a part of routine
my own isolation
with some air, stars ,sky
and sometimes kid in the neighborhood
But tonight it’s different
It’s quieter than usual
Though I like the silence,
it makes me wonder about the virus
wandering few kms away from me
I inhale the air while a song plays
reminding me of someone I’ve never met
I wonder, what if I’m the next one to die
adding 1 more to the count
Suddenly I look back at where it all started
Back in 1997,
a baby with a huge head which couldn’t fit in any of the clothes
(Because my parents keep mentioning it in every childhood memory)
I grew up with a childhood dream
A dream of growing old and retiring from work
because it always seemed to be peaceful
until tonight when I’m dying in my 20’s with this dream
Maybe I have already seen & did it all
From making my parents cry
by scoring more than expected
to turning them silent for weeks
by failing in second year of graduation
I did both
Talking until everyone at home gets bored
to overthink everything and stay quiet
for no reason at all
I grew up
What I’ll be thinking about while i gasp for last breath? (Like will from Five feet apart)
Probably things I could never say
to my family
without tears streaming down
for how they raised, inspired and supported me
To the Friends
who adopted the awkward me
and always checked up on me even when
I didn’t pick their calls or replied back
and stayed home
while they were partying outside
And some people who could never know,
what I really felt about them
because I always kept things to myself
out of fear, doubts and overthinking
to hide the fact that I needed them
But you know what,
yes, you all
I did love even when I was silent
I did care even when I left early
and I did miss even when I could never say it out loud
I was just in my head (which I regret)
Everything happens for a reason
That’s what I tell myself when things go wrong
and try to look at the positives
behind every failure, heartbreak and disappointment
This Poem has an end, so does the life
I wonder what you’ll keep as my memory,
and miss most,
or my silence ?
Death is the ultimate truth, isn’t it?
Yet we live like we have all the time in the world. To start working on something, to say what we have been hiding, to live our life.
Then suddenly you see death coming for you, and you’ve nowhere to go.
You want to do everything you’ve been putting on hold. But now you’re out of time.
So, Are we awaiting death to do what we always wanted to ?
Okay, I’m not trying to scare you here. These were my thoughts on the day I wrote this poem.
I thought about my life, how I’ve lived and what I’ll want to say before I die.
And then I had a conversation about Death with Sameera which inspired me to write this.
So, that’s how I wrote my death poem.
Also, I hope you all are safe and healthy.
Thank you for reading !
My Words or silence ? Let me know in the comments below.
PS: Wrote this during early days of corona
Originally Posted on 27th March 2020
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