“Why do people change ?” This topic was on my mind since a year. But I kept postponing writing this for no reason. Maybe I was saving it for end of the year.
This article is written in a different style than usual as I wanted to submit this article to one of my favourite websites. But unfortunately it didn’t get published there so finally I am doing it here.
“It’s funny how you can know somebody for so long and they change right in front of you.”
I still remember her exact words, “You hurt me intentionally“.
After a year, it’s still painful for me to think about this one sentence.
This one sentence from a person who meant world me broke me down. I spent months over thinking if I really hurt her that way?
But all I could remember was the way I avoided to hurt her during our 3+ years of friendship.
All these years, I had only person in my life whom I wanted to share everything and anything. We made memories of laughing, joking, teasing, caring and crying together.
I never wanted to lose this person. So, I put my all efforts for it. I was there for her all the time. Be it during her mental breakdowns, heartbreaks, health issues, suicidal thoughts and everything.
In the end, what I got to hear is, “You hurt me intentionally“.
Why did she say it? To a person who was there for all the time and whom she loved the most?
Why and how did she change? or any other person change?
Finding answer to this question took me more than a year. And it includes overthinking the same thought for days and nights.
Let’s understand the process of Change in people
What Changes Occur In People
1. Thoughts Change
According to experts, humans think between 60,000-80,000 thoughts in a day.
These huge number of thoughts are rapidly changing as well. Your thoughts on a particular subject today may not be same as the ones you thought a year ago or a month or even a day.
In this way, our thoughts/perceptions/opinions about everything are changing all the time.
Why? We will see that later in this article.
2. Goals Change
Try to remember what goals did you set for yourself a year ago. Now, compare them with your current goals.
They are totally different, right?
Guess what? Goals change too.
A year ago, your goal might be to get Millions of followers on social media. But today you don’t care about those numbers anymore. Because with time & experience you grew more mature.
Just like thoughts, goals change too.
3. Interests Change
We just concluded that Thoughts and Goals of people change, let’s add interests to the list.
Maybe drawing sketches of your parents was the most interesting thing for you being a child. But, now that same activity doesn’t interest you.
See, interests changed too.
The thing which brought widest smile on your face might not do same thing for you today.
And it’s okay!
We just saw three important changes in people. Now let’s dig deeper to learn what causes change in people.
2 Major Reasons Why People Change
Experiences changes people. Be it from Past or present, they change Thoughts, Goals and Interests Of a person.
I would like to categorise experiences in two as below
1. Good Experiences
An experience of Going for run, Climbing a Mountain, Donating Money or Loving someone with all your heart can change you(And people).
Above examples are of Good experiences which have power to change any person’s Thoughts, Goals, Interests, etc.
You might have completely different opinion about something and when you actually experience that thing, it changes drastically.
This is one of the way how change is observed in people.
2. Bad Experiences
After good experiences, let’s look at the bad ones now.
We often read quotes like :
Sometimes people with the worst past, create the best future – Umr Ibn Al-Khatab
It’s so true. Bad experiences like Failing at a test, Losing a job or breaking up with the love of your life can break you in pieces.
But lessons learnt from these experiences will also guide you to create a better future for you. Bad past has power to completely transform a person.
There are so many examples people who changed after something bad happened. Both, in good ways and bad ways too.
How to Deal with Change in People
We all complain about people who changed. Blame them and ourselves for it.
But is it really worth?
Let’s look at 3 ways how to deal with change in people
1. Accept The Change
Everything around and inside you are changing every moment.
Trees outside your window, Cute kid in the neighborhood, Apartments near your house and every tiny thing around you is undergoing a change.
Even your body parts, thoughts, opinions, goals, intrests and every cell inside your body is changing.
Making yourself aware about all these changes is the best way to deal with change in people in your life.
Once you accept this change is a natural process, you’ll be at peace.
2. Don’t Try To Change People
Another way to deal with change in people is not trying change people.
Often we try hard to change people and get back to what they used to be. By Talking, Discussing and sometimes complaining too.
You know what, it will never help. The more you will try to change someone, more far they will go from you.
So, just like we discussed in previous point, Accept the change and never try to change it.
Also read : Stop Getting Mad | How To Stop Getting Mad
3. Change Yourself As Well
This is what helped me to move on with my life after a heartbreak. I changed myself.
It was a Bad experience for me to get blamed for the things which I never did. It was worst to see the most important person for me had developed such negative thoughts and perceptions about me.
So, I changed myself as well. Eventually I stopped giving importance to this person anymore. No, I didn’t start hating that person.
I changed my priorities and worked on myself until I no longer blame that person / experience.
At the end of the day, the only person you can change is you. You can never control other people in your life. No matter how close they are to you.
So, instead of complaining and blaming about this beautiful and natural process of Change, try to embrace it.
I hope you liked reading this and help you in some way or other. Do let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.
Happy 2020 !
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