Stop Romanticizing Pain – It’s TOXIC

Today I feel so overwhelmed by pain. Not that I’m experiencing any kind of pain. It’s actually the result of consuming content about pain.

And it’s too much.

We all have read poetry/heard songs/watched movies about pain. Even though they were about pain we found beauty in them. We could relate to every feeling that was described in that art form.

Poets, Writers, Painters, Actors and all other artists talk about pain in their art. And we love it. We wonder “How can someone make pain seem so wonderful”?

But Romanticizing pain is toxic in so many ways. And I’m sure you’ve hardly thought about how it’s affecting your life.

Let’s see!

What Is Romanticizing Of Pain ?

We will start with an example.

Try to remember your favourite song which is about pain. Even though it is sad you find a kind of pleasure in it. It makes you cry but you still keep on listening to it. You put it on loop and cry alone but never hate this song.

This is romanticizing of pain. When someone, be it an artist or someone else tries find pleasure in pain even when it’s only going to harm himself.

There are unlimited art pieces by all kinds of artist about pain, heartbreaks, failure and every other negative feeling.

And all of them are directly or indirectly romanticizing the pain.

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Who Are Romanticizing Pain ?

  1. Poets / Writers : Before pointing at someone else, I’ll talk about myself. I have written about pain for long time now. The poems or articles written by me can glorify pain. Though I don’t think I’ve done it directly but it’s possible. Just before deciding to write on this topic I read a poem which was beautiful but toxic too. I am not writing this article for this one person. And this isn’t just about that one poem, there are many of them. Everyone is promoting pain and it’s toxicity through their art. Not on purpose but it can surely influence people in wrong ways. Why it is toxic? We will see that further in this article.
  2. Movies / Songs : Movies and songs have been romanticizing love as well as pain for a long time. I have already talked about love in my previous articles. Let’s talk about how they romanticize pain. The most memorable scenes from any movie are when the actor goes through so much pain. These scenes are backed by a Strong background music that can give you goosebumps & make you cry without saying a word. What’s wrong with this? Confused ? Keep reading till the end.

Also Read : Is Love Overrated – 3 Reasons Why

Why To Stop Romanticizing Pain

I’m sure you’re wondering what is wrong for seeing beauty in pain. Right?

You don’t even know how you’ve unconsciously rewired your brain to find pleasure in all the things that are only causing you pain.

People have romanticized pain to such an extent where they think it’s the only thing they deserve in their life. They are actually craving for pain.

Here are 5 reasons why you need to stop romanticizing pain and What it can cost you.

1. You’ll Get Addicted To Pain

Have you ever been in a situation which caused you so much pain yet you couldn’t get out yourself out of it ?

Like a toxic relationship in which a person hurt you all the time, everyone around you advised you to get out but you stayed.

You hurt yourself even when you had a choice.

Ever happened?

You were addicted to that hurt and pain caused by someone. Because somewhere inside you there is a part of you which is influenced by some Movie/song/poem which says you’re supposed to feel this in relationships.

This is how you get addicted pain as you could now relate to that painful scene from a movie. Even it’s causing you so much pain you try to feel pleasure in such painful situations.

Bollywood Movies like “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil” promotes a very toxic idea of one sided love. I am a huge fan of Shahrukh Khan but what he said about the beauty of one sided love isn’t true.

One sided love is all about pain, doubts, loneliness and every other negative feeling that a human can feel.

I hate it when anyone writes to glorify this pure toxicity.

2. You’ll Believe You Deserve Pain

Pain is an inevitable and important part of life which demands to be felt.

We all must go through it as it has an immense power of transforming what we are in so many good ways.

Sometimes people go through tough times and they start believe they actually deserve it. They actually conclude that this is the way how their life is gonna be, painful.

This is also a result of romanticizing pain too much. I know people who have had a very painful past and they believe they deserve it. Even if things are going good for them, they try to find something negative in them.

They are actually choosing and allowing painful experiences in their own life. Even though they might blame others for it, they are the ones who is responsible.

3. You’ll Never Love Yourself

Pain often changes people. Some tragic experiences can turn a person full of life into a depressed one. I’m sure you know someone like this.

And when this person try to get better and trying loving himself/herself, it doesn’t happen.

What is Self Love anyway?

It is about loving who you are. But the person who is so much changed by his/her past event will never love what he/she has become.

Because this person knows that the current self isn’t the one who he/she actually is.

So it’s impossible to love a version of yourself which you hate the most.

If you are constantly failing to love yourself look at the choices you’re making in your life. Look what kind of thoughts, people and relationships you’re welcoming in your life.

When you’ve accepted pain & got addicted to it, it’s hard to accept anything good in your life. If you continue to live this way it will be very tough to love yourself.

4. You’ll Make Your Own Life Toxic

Toxic word is highly used this days. For People and relationships mostly.

Probably every second person is talking about how someone or some relationship made their life toxic and caused them pain.

But if you really think about it, it’s you who allowed that toxic person to enter your life. You had a chance to stop them or even leave them when you saw how toxic it was for you, but you didn’t.

When someone have had painful past experiences for multiple times, they actually start thinking that this how things are. They start to believe that people, relationships and the whole life is full of pain & sorrow.

And this is how people make their life toxic by their own thoughts and actions.

Also Read : How To Be Happy ? Happiness Simplified

5. You’ll Run Away From Happiness

I’m addicted to pain.

Maybe this does sound poetic and beautiful, but it in reality it is Toxic.

When someone is Addicted to pain they run away from good things. They get so used to pain that they fear feeling good & happy. And find something bad in the good things.

For example:

After a traumatic relationship, a person goes through so much pain that even when they meet someone who’s actually a good person.

I have had similar thoughts too. And I’m sure many of you have too. We might even feel that we are saving ourselves from getting hurt.

But it’s not always true. You can’t achieve happiness or peace by running away from you fears. You cant learn to swim without diving inside the water.

This habit of running away from happiness can affect on your future in so many ways that you can’t even think of.

You’ll never be able to trust anyone, not even yourself.

Also Read : How To Stop Being A Victim In 4 Steps

Final Words on Pain

I am not asking any writer/poet/singer to stop making art about pain. Even I won’t stop writing about pain.

Art is a medium to express emotions as they are, no matter how bitter they sound. But going to an extent where you or your readers/listeners starts to romanticize it can be proven very harmful.

All I want to say is stop finding comfort in pain. It’s not poetic, It’s toxic. Yes, I’m repeating same thing because it’s important.

Try to develop a new perspective and ask yourself whether you are romanticizing pain too much and destroying your own happiness.

Are you going to let the painful past decide your future?

I really hope you won’t let it.

Thank you for reading and if this made some sense to you, share this with people who needs to read this.


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View Comments

  • Romanticizing pain. Wow, that's a great concept. People in creative art is prone to such romance. From the early Middle English period till the present time most of the works in literature throughout the world deal with such kind of romancing. Yet, as you told, it is a painful experience. We will get addited to it slowly and it became intoxicating. Great post. Well thought and written 🤩💖👍💯

    • Yes, most of the art is result of pain & suffering. And it's okay to create something beautiful out of it.

      But Romanticizing it too much can be very toxic :/

      Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the article ❤️❤️

  • Some people thrive on pain. They like the concept of sadness around them always. Nice read.

    • Well, that's true too ! This was a perspective which I haven't heard from anyone, so I wrote 😊

      Thank you so much 😊

  • I myself have been guilty of this. I think there's a fine line between feeling the pain to move on from it and simply wallowing in pain, a line that is very hard to distinguish. I think it's necessary to understand yourself better to avoid certain habits and mentalities that can be toxic and self-destructing. Great post! This was a good read! :)

    • So true! There is a very thin line between feeling it & drowning yourself in it.

      Well said !

      Thank you so much 😊❤️

  • Very interesting topic Sumeet 👌
    There are times when we read something or listen to some sad music, we feel that it perfectly describes how we are feeling. And it's okay. But to find comfort in that and going over it again and again, will keep us stuck in that phase for a very long time. It's very important to realise this toxic behaviour and intentionally choose to consume more positive content, if we want to end to that pain in our life and want to be happy 😊

    • So true, swastik! Consuming too much content about one thing can harm us. Especially when it's negative.

      Yeah, we can try out getting addicted to positive things too ;)

      Thank you so much 😊❤️

  • That's an interesting article, Sumeet! I enjoyed it throughout.

    As you've said, I feel comfort in painful artforms too, esp. books and songs. 'Ae Dil Hai Mushkil' was completely relatable. The song is still a favourite. I started listening to it for the soulful music, but ended up enjoying its translated lyrics.

    This post triggered me recall an older post.
    https://crazienerds.wordpress.com/2019/04/04/do-we-enjoy-sadness/

    • Thank you so much Anisha! 😊

      Guess we all do. I love that song & movie too. But that doesn't mean I agree with everything that is being said in that movie. I just like it as a movie based on acting performances, songs and story. But idea of one sided love is toxic, no one can glorify it.

      And I'll check your post in a bit!

      • That's true, Sumeet. The movie was good as an art, but the relationships it portrayed as 'unrequited love' are toxic by all means.

  • Does romanticizing pain reduce the ability to self love? That part didn't sync with my thoughts, though.

    • It’s my opinion, I was unsure if anyone could relate or find sense in it.

      There is point in life when we start to believe that life is supposed to be painful. For eg, after failure in relationships we start to believe that people always lie or break promises or leave.

      We form such strong beliefs and start to live with them. But deep down we know its not true yet we let it make ourselves as a negative person.

      We often miss our old self, the one who believed in good things & people. But if we are so much addicted to pain that we have totally changed our mindset, then I think it’s impossible to love ourselves as we aren't our true selves anymore.

      Did I still make sense? not sure😂

      • Yeah, you definitely make sense. It's just that we have different perspectives. I still don't think the act of enjoying pain makes one lose their self love.

        Thank you for an elaborate explanation 🙂

  • Man, I am so guilty of this. Romanticizing pain has, in a really messed up way, become my coping mechanism for actual pain.

    • I'm so sorry to hear that but also glad that you have acknowledged it. Guess we all do it at some point in our lives 😅

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