Stop blaming yourself for your past mistakes/failures right now.
Do you struggle with self blame?
Do you keep blaming yourself for your past ?
If yes, then keep reading this till the end.
In the last article “Stop Playing Blame Game | Why and How” we saw how blaming others discourages us from realising our mistakes and improve.
Self blame is even more dangerous than blaming others. That is why it’s hard to get out of blaming yourself.
What is Self blaming ? Why do we blame ourselves ? How to stop self blaming ?
What Is Self Blaming ?
As the name suggests, it means blaming ourselves and holding ourselves responsible for any undesired events. Here, we are not blaming others or complaining how others messed up something for us.
While blaming others we are trying to make ourselves better by pushing the blame on other person. But while self blaming we are taking it all blame on ourselves.
Blaming yourself can cause various issues like Low Self-Worth, Low Self-Confidence, Insecurities, Self-Hate, etc.
Why self blaming is more dangerous than Blaming others? Let’s get to know this in detail.
Why Self Blaming Is More Dangerous ?
1. It Makes You Hate Yourself –
When you keep putting blame on yourself for your mistakes/failures or even for someone else’s mistakes, you develop very strong feelings of hatred towards yourself.
Nothing can be worse than you having negative feelings towards yourself. When someone else hates us ,we can ignore it but it’s very hard to deal when that hate is coming from ourselves.Even if you try to ignore or avoid it, your mind will keep reminding of the same things again and again.
Self blaming forms a negative image of yourself in your mind which you hate. The more you keep blaming yourself, this image will get stronger. Eventually, it will get very tough to get out of this self blaming habits.
2. It Makes You Feel Scared –
Imagine, you have failed in an exam and you are taking the blame of this failure on yourself. So when you are blaming yourself for not studying enough or wasting time or not working hard, you make yourself feel scared and afraid of it.
So , instead of studying for that exam in a better way, you feel afraid of it. You feel afraid of failing again which makes studying even more difficult.
Not just in studies, this happens in many areas of our lives. Like in relationships, where a heartbreak can make person feel afraid of falling in love or getting into a relationship once again.
In this way, self blaming causes one to doubt self & feel scared of trying out something new.
3. It Keeps You Stuck –
When you are hating yourself and feeling scared to try once again, you get stuck at a place for long time.
Mostly, we blame ourselves for the things which we failed to do in the past. This self blaming keeps us stuck in that past event where we couldn’t do our best.
For example, many people with an experience of heartbreak and relationship failure finds its very hard to get over it. They get stuck on their failed relationships and feel scared to trust again in future.
Due to self blaming, instead of accepting our mistakes/failures and working harder than before we get stuck on that one failure for a long time.
How To Stop Blaming Yourself ?
Self blaming is the one thing where I’ve struggled a lot & still find hard to get over it. So, I’m writing this to help myself to stop blaming myself for my past mistakes.
3 Steps to Stop blaming yourself :
1. Accept that It’s okay to Make Mistakes –
Acceptance, one thing which I’ve talked most in many of my articles. It sounds simple yet it is hard to do.
As humans, we all are bound to make mistakes throughout our lives. No one can be perfect, everyone has their imperfections and weaknesses.
Self blame arises when one has done mistakes in the past. That’s why the first step to stop blaming yourself is to accept that you’ve done a mistake, that you’ve failed to something you wished to do.
Understand that “No amount of blaming yourself will undo those mistakes”. That is why you need to accept things as they are & move on with your life.
2. Turn Self Blame Into Self Appreciation
How do we convert self blame to self appreciation? Sounds confusing, right?
We all have heard advice like “Love yourself“, “Praise yourself“, “Be Grateful” , but the real question is how?
You cannot just start loving yourself out of nowhere. Unless you think that you deserve to be loved and appreciated , you won’t just start doing it.
So you’ve to feel deserving for that self love/appreciation. For that you’ve to make yourself proud by achieving something. It doesn’t need to be very huge, set small goals or targets and work on them consistently. Goals/Desires which you’ve been ignoring from long time needs to be achieved at this time.
In this way, you will automatically start feeling good about yourself and you will turn that self blame into self appreciation.
3. Forgive Yourself –
Once you’re done with previous two steps, you will find it easy to forgive yourself. Why? Because the above two steps are actually steps to forgive yourself.
Forgiving yourself is always tougher than forgiving someone else. Sometimes even the person whom you’ve hurt forgives you but you still find it hard to forgive yourself. Because we overthink about our mistakes and form very strong negative image of ourselves.
It’s very obvious to forgive yourself first, if you want to stop blaming yourself and move on. That is why it is the most important step to stop blaming yourself.
Personally, I have hard time to forgive myself. I’m still finding ways to do it (writing article on this is one of them). If you have any other advice on this, do let me know in the comment section.
Self Blaming is something where we all struggle. Even though we know how it’s harmful to us, we can’t control it or stop it.
Just like we need stop blaming others we also need stop blaming ourselves. Mistakes and Failures are meant to happen in life, they are inevitable.
But, we can always choose to accept those negatives and move forward with some lessons.
Do you struggle with self blame? How do you deal with it? Let me know in the comment section. And don’t forget to share this with your loved ones.
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