Are you tired of getting hurt by someone over & over again? No matter how much you’ve tried to learn from your past experiences, you still end up with pain in the end ?
Does that mean all those lessons from your past were meaningless ?
The answer is, you can’t learn anything based on a limited number of experiences. No way.
You’ll keep meeting people in your life with different behaviors, habits, qualities, etc. And there isn’t one ideal way to deal with them.
In this article we will discuss about 5 ways that will save you from letting people hurt you.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is idealizing people even before you get to know them.
I’m sure you’ve done this at least once in your life. You meet someone new, talk with them, you two connect very well and you assume they are just perfect.
When you idealize them you create a false image and attach many expectations which they can never fulfill. And that’s when you get hurt as the person you had in your mind doesn’t match with the real one.
You need to stop Idealizing people based on mere first impressions. Because they hardly hold any truth. Everyone sells his or her best qualities in initial meetings or conversations. You don’t just reveal your darkest sides to someone right away or directly.
Idealizing people always leads to disappointments. For example: We all have a favourite celeb whom we idealize a lot and look up to. But when we get to know their dark side, we get hurt. We take it too personally, don’t we ?
Yes, people do have great qualities, kind behaviors, perfect looking personalities. But at the end of the day they are just a normal human being just like you. They have their own best and worst sides.
You’ll become much more realistic when you accept this universal truth and start treating people equally.
This is a very important thing which we all need to learn in our lives. Setting clear boundaries can save you from a lot of mess in relationships.
No you don’t have to construct boundaries around you physically. These are emotional, physical or mental limits that shouldn’t be crossed by anyone. Not even you.
Crossing these boundaries can hurt a lot. Most of the time we aren’t even aware that someone or even we are crossing them unknowingly.
Like, in a friendship or a romantic relationship where you are stressed all the time and feel like the other person has a control over you. This is what crossing our boundaries feels like.
The only reason why people cross them is because we let them.
First of all it’s so important to identify your own limits. So that you can protect yourself from going out of the way for people and end up hurting yourself.
Otherwise you might end up giving control of your life to others. It can happen emotionally or even physically as well.
Setting clear boundaries is actually treating yourself respectfully, and also making others treat you the same way.
So, know them first and set them right away.
You might wonder what am I talking about and how spending time with yourself will save you from getting hurt.
Life gets easier when you know yourself.
But how will you know yourself when you don’t even spend time alone? The state of solitude will help you to know the real you.
Advantages of spending time with yourself
When you know what kind of people are toxic for you, you’ll save yourself from getting hurt by them. You won’t invest yourself in people who are only going to drain you or cause you any kind of suffering.
This is why spending time with yourself can help you to deal with getting hurt by others.
Read detailed article : Spend Time With Yourself
You might have heard this piece of advice from many people.
But here’s a little but an important difference in the above statement, that is “too much“.
Having expectations in relationships isn’t as bad as they are portrayed these days. A healthy relationship (including friendships) is based on healthy expectations like Honesty, trust and loyalty. And there’s nothing wrong in having such expectations.
But when you start expecting things like too much attention, love, care or any other thing in excess, you’ll have to face a lot of disappointment. Because no one can fulfill all of your expectations.
Not even you.
One of the most painful things which I’ve done to myself is suppressing what I truly felt. Not once, I’ve been doing it for a long time.
There have been incidences where I was deeply & constantly getting hurt by people but I never raised my voice against it.
Because I always tried to run away from confronting someone as it felt scary to me. But now when I look back it has turned into a big regret.
You should never ever suppress how someone is making you feel, especially when it’s all negative. People usually don’t realise they are hurting us until we tell them.
If you want people to start treating you well then you must be able to voice out for yourself when they are mistreating you. Suppressing your true emotions will only worsen the situation and cause you more pain.
It will keep getting worse as you let it pile up inside yourself. So, speak up now !
Most of the time it’s not the people who hurt us, it’s our own expectations and assumptions about them.
It is totally okay and humanly to feel hurt. Because that’s how we get to know ourselves and others.
The best way to stop letting someone hurt you is just to not allow them. Yes, it’s you who allow people in your life to stab you in your heart. You do it unknowingly.
And it’s you and only you who can stop it. By knowing yourself, setting clear boundaries around you and not expecting too much from anyone.
Start treating yourself well and people will start doing the same.
Hope this turns out helpful to you. Let me know in the comments which point you liked the most & gonna apply in your life from right now ?
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