I wish I had hold on to you
than the fear of losing you

I don’t why I run away
everytime you get close to me
you make me feel too much loved
something which scares me more than a heartbreak

We lie down on the ground bare footed in the midnight
staring at the sky filled with stars & moon
recreating a cliched romcom scene
and make love like there’s no one watching

I often stay awake when you fall asleep on my chest
i take your hand in mind and wonder
what if this is the last night of us being us
what if my hand won’t have a hand to hold on to?

Your love is what I describe in my poems
it’s poetic
sets me free, wild
from the comfort of discomfort & pain
that I’m too used to of

But,

I don’t belong to all these new places you take me with you
all these smiles, laughs, hugs, tears, butterflies in the stomach
are like parasites eating up my soul
turning me into something uknown

It doesn’t feel like me
The one you meet in me is someone
I lost
to people who pretended to be like you
they stabbed my eyes and took away everything that made me
“me”

All I’m left with is a person
I can’t recognise in the mirror
but you keep trying to bring me back
turning me into someone who loves the way you deserve to loved

Every day I try to take one hand closer to you, to us
and end up pushing you away/us
so I can keep myself safe, by my side
before you could take it away
just like they did

It’s been peaceful since you’re gone away
now I lie on the same ground
gazing at the same stars & moon
listening to an awkward silence
when I wonder
“I wish I had hold on to you
than the fear of losing you”


Poem Description

Almost a year ago I wrote this line
“I wish I had hold on to you
than the fear of losing you”. Yup, it was the other way around at first.

Few weeks back when I decided to turn this into a long poem, I reversed the roles. I don’t know why.

Anyway, I hope you liked reading this one. Will not give any unnecessary description for this one.

Thank you for reading!


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9 thoughts to “Hold On To You – Poem

  • Lavanya

    I was smiling while reading it (not because i am the schadenfreuder type..😛) but because i am familiar with that betrayal and insecurity this writing carries..You have captured that fear so beautifully…👍
    “I wish I had hold onto you
    than the fear of losing you” waao♥️

    Reply
    • Accidental Blogger

      Hehehe! It’s truly a painful feeling :/ Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • vaniheart

    wow you captured the emotions so beautifully ❤❤❤❤

    Reply
  • Sohanpreet Kaur

    That’s great! But I didn’t understand what you said about reversing the roles..isn’t it the same.
    Anyways, the fear of being vulnerable again sometimes takes beautiful things away from us. You have described it very beautifully.

    Reply
    • Accidental Blogger

      I meant when I first wrote this line it was ” I wish you had hold on to me…” but when I turned it into a long poem I changed to “I wish I had on to”. So, that’s about reversing roles😁

      Thank you so so much❤️❤️❤️🥺

      Reply
  • Andrada Costoiu

    “Like parasites eating my soul”- this made me smile 🙂 ❤️

    Reply

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